I was listening to a podcast recently where the host was talking about workplace culture, specifically the subtle ways some employers make people feel like they should be grateful just to be employed. I haven’t personally experienced this in a severe way, but I know many who have, and the stories all sound similar.
People talk about being told things like “in this economy, you’re lucky to have a job” or “a lot of people would love your role, you should be grateful.” On the surface, these sound like reality checks but they can actually make people feel small or unworthy, which isn’t just tough feedback, it’s corporate gaslighting.
The gratitude trap
Gratitude is a good thing. It helps us stay grounded and appreciate what we have, especially when things (like the job market) feel uncertain. But I will say there’s a huge difference between being grateful for a job and being made to feel like your entire worth depends on how thankful you are.
You can appreciate having a stable job and still recognize when something isn’t working for you. For example, you can be thankful you have access to water and at the same time know that you need food to survive. The problem is when phrases like, “you should just be glad you’re here,” are used to dismiss your needs, avoid your boundaries or make you question whether its okay to advocate for yourself. Over time, I have no doubts that this kind of messaging can make you doubt your instincts, wonder if asking for vacation time is selfish, or feel guilty for wanting balance in your life.
How to handle this
When you notice this happening, one of the most effective ways to handle it is to be clear and process-oriented rather than emotional (which I know is easier said than done.) For example, if a manager constantly brings up how competitive the job market is, you could say something like, “I’ve noticed the job market comes up in a lot of our conversations, and I want to make sure I’m meeting and exceeding expectations. Is there any specific feedback you’d like me to focus on?” This approach acknowledges the pattern without escalating tension and redirects the conversation to you and your work.
If your vacation requests are almost always denied, you might want to say something like, “What would you need from me in order to get this approved?” This isn’t begging or negotiating for permission, it’s creating a bridge to a solution.
You’re not just lucky, you’re qualified
The truth is that your employer didn’t hire you out of charity. They hired you because you bring value. You’re qualified, skilled and absolutely deserving of respect. Gratitude shouldn’t require you putting your well-being on hold. If your workplace constantly minimizes your needs, it doesn’t mean you’re asking too much, it just means you’re asking the wrong people. At that point you have a choice – you can either work to create a healthier dynamic, or when it’s time, move on to a place that truly values you.
Final Thoughts
You’re not being dramatic or ungrateful. You’re simply noticing that your needs matter. It’s important to be aware of corporate gaslighting, especially as a younger or more junior employee. It’s equally as important to speak up for yourself and make it known that you’re clear-headed, strong, and capable.